I’m not fond of horses
so they put me here
selling candy
and sodas
and hot dogs
to the horse people
that come to the shows
at our farm

In twenty minutes I can
shut the window
and head back to the gym

I can’t wait to leave

Then I notice him.
Curly dark hair
dressed in his riding suit

He smiles at me
even though
I’m just wearing jeans
and I can’t remember whether
I put any make-up on.

He crosses his eyes
and makes me laugh
he waves and he’s gone

And now I don’t want to run
off to the gym.

I see him twice more
I climb on the fence and watch
him atop his palomino
moving the beast
around
without moving at all

If he sees me he doesn’t show it.

Then later, I find him washing the
grime and sweat from the horse
out behind the barns.

I pretend I stumbled upon him there.

“Hey, you. You’re a new face.” he says.

“Not so new.” I say, leaning against the barn
I pick at the paint falling away from the boards.

He drops the hose and picks up a sponge
and rubs it over the coat of the mare.

“What’s her name?” I ask
“This,” he touches the horse tenderly, “is Magpie.”
“She’s beautiful.”

He locks eyes with me. I wonder
how old he is
what his name is
why I’ve never seen him before
and why my heart is beating so hard
when he picks up the hose
and points it at me
a wicked grin
on his face

“Hot out here, isn’t it?” he says, the smile
playing in his eyes.

I shrug with one shoulder,
“You won’t do it.”

The water hits me with as much surprise
as when I first saw him.
For five minutes we wrestle for control of the hose,
drenching each other
and laughing too hard
to catch our breaths

When he calls Truce
I am wrapped in his arms

and I am not afraid

Later, we dry off in the sun
as the show continues in the valley below us.
He tells me he is in college
about an hour away from here
that Magpie is his oldest friend
and that he wants to be a vet.

He asks about me, and I tell him.

He makes me do a back flip
for him in the grass
he claps,
I bow.

And he tells me that he wants to see me again.

I am happy
and terrified
all at the same time.

I get the text at 6am,
still dripping from my
shower.

Ben is at school but is thinking of me.

I have told no one
about him
a secret not because
of him
but because of me

How can you feel
like this after just
three hours together?

It seems wrong
somehow
that we need weeks
and months
to be connected
together

so I try to pretend
that it is just silly fun
a new friend

but I am lying to myself
and I know it.

Anna calls her mom,
but she is just twelve
and I know that my
mom
is buried under
the small stone
with a dove
in one corner and
a cross in the other

Beloved wife
and mother

I’ve forgotten
so much
already
that allowing someone
else to take that name
her name
will make me lose
another piece of her.