As usual, I am having a hard time letting go of Lucy now that the story has been told. A chapter in her life is finished, but like real life, a new one is just beginning. I’ve already been thinking about what’s next for her when she’s “Still Totally Unfamous”.

So the question is, do you want more of Lucy?

If you do want more of Lucy’s story, then here is the challenge. It’s simple, really, sort of like the voting on American Idol. It’s the numbers that matter. If enough people visit Totally Unfamous, then I’ll write more of Lucy’s story.

How many people?

I’m not sure. But I keep track of links, and stats so I know what I’m looking to see. I’m looking to see if enough people want to hear more. See, writing a book is a huge undertaking. So I have to be sure I’m being wise. Why write something only a few will be interested to read?

So how can you help?

That part’s easy. Spread the word, add the links, let others know that Lucy is here. And we’ll see what happens.

In the meantime, thanks for hanging out with Lucy!
May God bless each and every one of you,
~Sarah~

a quiet morning
remembering
celebrating
making room

Taylor and Ben arrive for dinner
at my dad’s insistence
and are surprised to receive presents
as if they were two more kids in the house
Taylor receiving the lion’s share
while Ben seemed to have a lot of gift cards
to help him set up house

Taylor is star struck by Beka
shy, giving monosyllabic answers
at first
until Beka is able to convince her that she is normal
just like everyone else
well, normal
except for being famous

Ben and Dad spend hours talking at the table
about money and budgets
and taxes
Dad’s love of all things banking showing
as he guides Ben on his plans

Beka sits with me later
and tells me how much she likes Ben
and how he and Taylor
seem to fit right in
and maybe it’s because I haven’t seen her
in a long while
but I feel like there is something
that Beka isn’t saying

later, we turn off every light
and sit in the twinkling glow from the Christmas tree
we sing Christmas carols
and take turns telling our favorite memories
next year, this one will be mine

long after everyone goes off to find a bed
I linger under the Christmas tree
feeling a little bit closer to the
miracle of Christmas
I think maybe I will go out with a bang this year
reach at least one goal
it might not make me famous
but that’s okay
there are at least seven people in my life
that already think I’m a star

she looks different, I think
sophisticated
elegant
but when she starts talking
she’s the same old Beka
with better grooming

Josh is with her
and the two of them
speak a language all their own
he stays and visits for a while
and then heads off in their rental
to see his own family
back in Bragg County

Beka sits on my bed
and asks about Ben
and Ethan
and she tells me of her
not-so-glamorous life
that looks great on the outside
but isn’t always easy

she tells me
in confidence
that she and Josh
are getting engaged
and I am surprised
since Josh is still in school
and her career is so new
but still happy for her
the love in her eyes
unmistakable

but even though this seems small
I think only of the golden boy image
forever tarnished
a record of his wrongs
in permanent ink
no soccer scholarships
or easy victims that can be charmed
by his innocent good looks

Ethan can no longer
follow me anywhere

I agonize over what to get Ben for Christmas
wandering the mall at crazy hours
wanting the perfect gift

but nothing seems to say what
I want it to say

so today, I keep pushing

“Ethan. You are despicable and hateful, a liar and a thief.
You hurt me. But you can’t hurt me anymore. I won’t let you.”

I look over at Julie who is urging me on.

“I choose to forgive you. You probably don’t even think what you did was wrong. You probably think you can just take whatever you want. But I’m going to forgive you anyway. Because I don’t want you to be a part of my life, my thoughts, my dreams…anything.
You have no more power over me.”

I shift to Julie
“What if I don’t feel like I really forgive him? I mean, I’m saying the words, but I don’t exactly have any warm fuzzies about him or anything.”

“Forgiveness is first and foremost a choice. Choose it, and the feelings will follow. Eventually.”

I hope she’s right

so I ask, “How do I forgive Ethan,
when what he did was so horrible?”

Dad rubs at his chin for a long minute before he answers
“What he did was wrong. Horrible. But forgiving him doesn’t mean
that he gets a free pass for what he’s done. It means you’ll let God
decide what to do with him, and leave it with him.”

“But I can’t. I want to see him suffer for what he did,”
the tears come in a rush,
unexpected

Dad pulls me close
“Me, too. But forgiving that boy is not about him. It’s about you. Staying mad at him, wanting revenge, it ties you to him – like you are roped together. You don’t want to be roped with him, and neither does God. Forgiveness – it cuts the rope.”

I walk to my room slowly
pondering this
hoping that my father is right
because I am aware of the rope
as much as I am aware that I want to be
free

for his silence

one that I would like to turn off now and then,
but still
if I traded in the bad, would I lose the good as well?

Angie tells me she still has not decided
what she will do about the baby
but that her parents
have gotten over the shock of it all
and that Jesse isn’t the same anymore
and she wonders if he will stick with her
if she decides to keep it

to this
I don’t know what to say