Thank you for being here with me and letting me share Lucy’s “Totally Unfamous” story with you. I hope you enjoyed it.
As usual, I am having a hard time letting go of Lucy now that the story has been told. A chapter in her life is finished, but like real life, a new one is […]

on Christmas day
we are together
Paul and Beka
Anna and me
Dad and Gabby
and the half baby to come
a quiet morning
remembering
celebrating
making room
Taylor and Ben arrive for dinner
at my dad’s insistence
and are surprised to receive presents
as if they were two more kids in the house
Taylor receiving the lion’s share
while Ben seemed to have a lot of gift cards
to help […]

Beka arrives in a plain old rental car
no limos
or chauffeurs
or gowns
totally unfamous
at least while she’s here
she looks different, I think
sophisticated
elegant
but when she starts talking
she’s the same old Beka
with better grooming
Josh is with her
and the two of them
speak a language all their own
he stays and visits for a while
and then heads off in their rental
to see […]

the phone rings
and it is the detective
from Bragg County
telling me there will be
no trial
that Ethan has agreed to a plea
so in exchange for
his admission of guilt
in my rape and one other
he will be sentenced to eight years
of which he will likely only serve four or five
but even though this seems small
I think only of the […]

whips by
as the temperature drops
and Anna begs me to take her
Christmas shopping
it’s the only time she seems to need me
but today
without her Ipod
I take the chance to talk with her
find out about her friends
and her teachers
hoping she’ll know that I’m there
if she needs me
I agonize over what to get Ben for Christmas
wandering the mall at […]

even with the next meet
weeks away
Coach puts us back to work
telling me my third place finish
could be second or first
if I stay focused
he doesn’t ask about Ethan
but I know he is watching me
showing me how to throw my energy
into working out
persevering
even on the bad days
and in that way
gymnastics is like real life
you have good days
and […]

I tell Julie that I am ready to face Ethan
feeling anything but ready
and she sits the empty chair between us again
and this time
I have no trouble picturing him
a smirk on his face
untouchable
invincible
but for a moment I see someone else in the chair
Jesus
touchable
invincible
and I know
that I am not alone
“Ethan. You are despicable and hateful, a […]

I choose Dad to talk to
because he’s the smartest person I know
and even though
this new baby
seems to have separated us
his devotion to God
I have never questioned
so I ask, “How do I forgive Ethan,
when what he did was so horrible?”
Dad rubs at his chin for a long minute before he answers
“What he did was wrong. […]

God kept his half of the bargain
so I now must find a way to keep mine
so I start at the beginning
or what I think is the beginning
and tell Him
of every place that I have failed
the list long
and humiliating
but when I arrive at Ethan
I get stuck
like I need to do more than confess my own failure
but […]

returning to school is like
being dipped in cold water
Mel is already consumed with
plans for prom
which is months away
I almost envy that she can
focus so completely on having
a great senior year
while I
and others
are simply trying to survive it
so instead of Mel
I talk with Angie
and bring her up to date
with all that’s happened
she congratulates me on my
third […]