On Saturday I run extra hard in circles around the mat
leaping and pounding and stretching
in every direction
I am aware that Ben has not even left school yet
I still only do
two back handsprings
which is impressive
to most normal human beings
but coaches are not
normal human beings
they are
other
and they expect more
like Arabians and aerials and back layouts
I try to […]

Ben calls at precisely 9:00pm and I curl
up under the covers and tell him
how my dad is starting a new family
he listens and says nice things.
and it dawns on me that all night
he is the only one I wanted to talk to
so when he asks if he can come on
Saturday I tell him to come […]

Gabby is acting all weird
and Anna is being moody
Even Dad seems nervous
It’s just not the right time.
I know Ben will call
and I know I should tell
my Dad about him
but I can’t make the words come out.
That’s when Gabby clears her throat
and gives my Dad a “look”.
He covers her hand with his and
tells Anna and I […]

We sit in Alex Weston’s garage
and listen as Mel and three
other girls try to coax
brilliant ideas out of us.
It’s our senior year!
It has to be the best float ever!
My knee is sore.
I should have wrapped it before I left.
And my back’s hurting
TJ has been Mel-ed into sitting beside me.
He’s cute enough
but he looks like he […]

I consider asking Mel,
who has picked me up from
the gym to
attend the float committee
meeting she signed me up for
without even asking.
She says that she won’t let me
miss out on my senior year
even if she has to tie me up with a rope
and throw me in her trunk.
It’s just easier to go with her.
She is talking […]

WRUDN?
FLPN
I close the phone.
Ben knows he can call me later
after I get home
after I’m finished
torturing my body
He wants to visit,
on his way back home this weekend
and I don’t know what to say.
I hang from the stall bar
lifting my legs
over
and
over
Too bad I can’t make my heart stronger the same way.
page 19

If what you do becomes
who you are then
does that mean
that is who you were to begin with
or would you have been
someone different if
you chose to do
something else?
page 18

Is having your whole life laid
out before you with every
possible side road
mapped and planned
and realizing that the
map that you helped
make is no longer what you want
but you don’t really know
what it is you want
so you stay quiet
and keep following the map
simply because you
don’t have any better ideas.
I need a better idea.
page 17

Presley and I lay
on the floor with
our legs stretched up on the beam
“I’m dead.” Presley says
“At least you did your flight series” I say.
“You’ll get it.”
“No I won’t”
Presley sits up
and twists her mouth
“You can do it on the floor” she says.
I know.
“It’s all in your head.”
I know that too.
“You’ll get it.”
She uses her foot to
tickle […]

Presley is my gym friend
We never see each other
outside of the mats and
apparatus but we understand
each other in a way
that no one else can
not even you
not even if you read this
Because unless you have
spent hours swinging around
a wooden bar
landing on your face
only to get up and do it again
well, to most of the world
that’s just […]