I tell Julie that I am ready to face Ethan
feeling anything but ready
and she sits the empty chair between us again
and this time
I have no trouble picturing him
a smirk on his face
untouchable
invincible
but for a moment I see someone else in the chair
Jesus
touchable
invincible
and I know
that I am not alone

“Ethan. You are despicable and hateful, a liar and a thief.
You hurt me. But you can’t hurt me anymore. I won’t let you.”

I look over at Julie who is urging me on.

“I choose to forgive you. You probably don’t even think what you did was wrong. You probably think you can just take whatever you want. But I’m going to forgive you anyway. Because I don’t want you to be a part of my life, my thoughts, my dreams…anything.
You have no more power over me.”

I shift to Julie
“What if I don’t feel like I really forgive him? I mean, I’m saying the words, but I don’t exactly have any warm fuzzies about him or anything.”

“Forgiveness is first and foremost a choice. Choose it, and the feelings will follow. Eventually.”

I hope she’s right