I choose Dad to talk to
because he’s the smartest person I know
and even though
this new baby
seems to have separated us
his devotion to God
I have never questioned

so I ask, “How do I forgive Ethan,
when what he did was so horrible?”

Dad rubs at his chin for a long minute before he answers
“What he did was wrong. Horrible. But forgiving him doesn’t mean
that he gets a free pass for what he’s done. It means you’ll let God
decide what to do with him, and leave it with him.”

“But I can’t. I want to see him suffer for what he did,”
the tears come in a rush,
unexpected

Dad pulls me close
“Me, too. But forgiving that boy is not about him. It’s about you. Staying mad at him, wanting revenge, it ties you to him – like you are roped together. You don’t want to be roped with him, and neither does God. Forgiveness – it cuts the rope.”

I walk to my room slowly
pondering this
hoping that my father is right
because I am aware of the rope
as much as I am aware that I want to be
free