first, bars
I earn a respectable 8.0
even with missing my catch
but will need to make up for it somewhere

on vault
I amaze even myself
by sticking the landing
not able to do it any better
it still earns only a 9.0

next is beam
and warm-up is tough
I jump off three times
even after landing squarely on the beam
my nerves still jumpy
Coach pulling me aside
coaxing me to focus
let go of everything else
just me
and the beam

I salute the judges and mount
letting the cheering of the crowd melt away
focusing on each element
wolf jump
turn
split jump
point toes
balance check
back handspring
back layout
and
dismount

the team cheers for me
as I salute the judge
I turn and search for Ben’s eyes
and he waves
8.8
my highest score on beam

it is after warm-up on floor that I realize I only need a 6.2 on floor
to get my 32
which I can do in my sleep
the floor being my favorite
apparatus

so maybe because I am relaxed now
beam finished
Ethan in jail
and Ben
my Ben
watching me
cheering me on
that I enjoy my floor routine more than I ever have
my smile real
each move precise
as my body moves through
each element

I walk off the floor to cheers again
and a big hug from Coach
we watch the scoreboard
as Presley gets ready for her routine

L. Madison Floor X 9.3

and I am stunned
stunned at scoring a 35 all around
something I never imagined I could even do

in the end
I climbed to the podium for the first time
in many years
to take my third place finish
knowing that if I could do this today
after last night

maybe more is possible