I withdraw to the gym
the only place I know to go
and choose to work out
in the wee morning hours
with only Kip and his mop in the building

I work hard
harder than I do with others around
conditioning my muscles
stretching them
pushing them to their limits
until I collapse onto a mat
staring up at the criss-crossed beams above me

I am a puzzle piece that has shifted
and I wonder where I will fit
if I still fit into this gym
this life
trying to reconcile
enjoying it again
and still wanting to win
to go out on top
instead of slinking away in defeat
wondering how long my back will hold out
to make it to nationals
to do well

wondering if I still have the stuff
to pull it off
one last time