I don’t know how I know
but I know she looks really bad and the doctors
and nurses that come and go
look somber
and avoid eye contact
like they can’t bear to admit
what is happening

Taylor hugs me when I come
but today there is no laughter
no reading from this week’s People
just Ben and Taylor
pacing around the hospital bed
while she sleeps

in her lucid moments they draw close to her
and talk
while I hang back
wanting to run from the room
as far away from death as possible
but I cannot go

when the sun begins to sink
I stand by the bed
and say good-bye to Paula
her eyes flutter open
and she says something I cannot hear
I lean in closer
“I like you.” she says
“Love well.”

in my car
I dissolve into tears
for another
good mom