Ben and I sit in the driveway
for more than an hour
stalling
being with him a reminder
of all the feelings I try to push away
when he’s not

he turns a bit to see me better
and says, “I don’t want to go back.”

and I’m not sure this is because of me
or his mom or something else
altogether

I know in my head that he has nothing to do with Ethan
so I can’t understand why my heart is so mixed up
there is still a thickness between us
and I know I am the one keeping it there

perhaps he’s waiting for an invitation
one that I am not ready to give

caught in a place where we cannot go forward or backward
we hold hands
and watch the moon
rise
steady and sure