Julie seems pleased that I reported what happened
but cautions me about depending on the police
to make this better
and that it could be a hard journey
very hard

but I am steadfast
because I think that this will finally get him out of my head
if he has to face what he did

if someone else knows

and since I told the whole story to the police
Julie asks me to tell the whole story to her
because speaking
can chase away the darkness

it is easier the second time
and Julie tells me that the first time
I left out a lot of important details

mixed with the anger
is betrayal
that someone I trusted
had completely snowed me
had told me that I would be safe
convinced me that he was being honest
all to get me alone
away from everyone
where he could do what he wanted

now that I’ve let myself recall the in-between time
I remember the look in his eyes
how he stared right through me
like I barely existed
he wasn’t scared or hesitant
or passionate
he was determined to take exactly what he wanted

me