Gabby comes with me to the police station
since I don’t want to share any details in front of Dad
or anybody else for that matter
but Gabby seems like the best choice

we drop off Anna and then drive
back to Bragg County
back to where it happened
back to where Ethan is a star

we sit and wait for two forevers at the police station
before we are ushered
back to a small windowless room
where a heavyset man in
a too-small suit
comes in shuffling a file and pad of paper
he smells like stale coffee and cigarettes
Gabby reaches over and takes my hand
then gives me a small nod
saying that it will all be okay

first it’s all statistics
my name, age, address, phone number
reduced to a few numbers and letters on his stained pad
then he sets a recorder on the table
and asks for my story
I glance at Gabby once and then start at the beginning
of when I met Ethan and why,
how we were both being pressured
by our friends
to hook-up
and how he promised me that we didn’t have to do anything
that we would just disappear for a while
then tell everyone we did something that we really didn’t do

the detective interrupts, “Were you drinking?”

“What does that have to do with anything?” Gabby snaps at him

“I have to ask. Were you?” he looks at me
I can still see remnants of his breakfast
clinging to his beard

“Yes.” I say
he makes a note on his pad
I take a quick breath and keep going
I went with Ethan
willingly
because we had a plan
a plan to get everyone off our backs
I didn’t care what people thought I did
we went back to the small pool house
and planned to stay for a while
to give everyone the wrong impression
we sat on the cold linoleum floor

I closed my eyes
not wanting to go any farther
not wanting to say anymore aloud

I forced my thoughts to his pictures
his smiling
all-American boy pictures
and continued the story

every
little
detail

when I looked over at Gabby
she was crying
but detective man
was just rubbing his beard

“So you let him kiss you?” he asks

I scowl. “Yeah. So?”

“So I’m just trying to look at things from his perspective,” he says

“Letting him kiss her didn’t give him permission to…” Gabby can’t say it

“No, Ma’am. But I still have to make a case. And with no physical evidence,
well, it will come down to her story versus his story. He’ll likely have a very
different story of what happened that night. Unless we can find some witnesses…”
the Detective flips through his notes and rubs his beard some more

“Why did you wait so long to come forward?” he asks

“I wasn’t ready then. I’m ready now.” I say

“Fair enough. Look. I’ll interview the kid. See what I can find. But I don’t know that we’ll have enough to prosecute.”

his words are like a pin, deflating me
I have no evidence
no one to back me up
and practically no chance of making Ethan
face up to what he did

all I had was the truth