Ben finally calls on Friday
to tell me that he can’t come home this weekend
and hints at me driving there
but with the meet
I decide to stay put
he sounds disappointed
which is nice
so we talk instead
and he tells me the reason for his absence this week
was simply midterms
and projects and study groups
but that he thought about me often

I swallow hard
because his voice has a tone to it
that I either haven’t noticed or haven’t recognized before

I mutter and stutter
and make some lame excuse to get off the phone
feeling like my soul is ripped in half
I know he means me no harm
but suspicion of his devotion rises up
what does he want from me?
knowing that the question itself is insane

Ethan is still ruining my life