my night with Mel
actually turned out to be helpful
because she is right
that I over-analyze everything
that sometimes I need to just relax
that I can’t plan out everything

and I’m starting to think that perhaps
what happened to me
isn’t really going to matter
to anyone else
but me
and yet I can’t seem to stop thinking about that night
long after I promise to stop acting crazy
and Mel falls asleep
I stare at the shadows on my ceiling and watch the
curtains rise and fall
with the gentle wind from the window
and think about Ethan