it’s me that’s not ready
Ben seems so sure, so stable
and I don’t even know what I’ll be doing next year
or where I’ll be
and let’s say
just for the heck of it
that I actually do get a scholarship
and let’s say that scholarship
is across the country
because it’s not like I have a say in it
and college gymnastics teams
aren’t exactly that common
so how is that supposed to work?
we could go from “long-distance”
to super long distance
and is that fair?
To either of us?

and then I think that maybe
perhaps I’m simply over-planning
and that trying to figure out
every little detail
may not even be helpful
but that doesn’t stop me from wanting
to know every little detail

by the time Mel gets there
my head hurts