is bizarre
because I am scared
that I had a wonderful time
but I feel like if this thing is serious
that we should at least talk about it
but I have no idea how to bring it up
so I let Ben talk about his classes
and school and his friends
all the while I am trying to sort out
my feelings
and what exactly I am doing
and I suddenly want to talk to Mel
who would surely know what to think
since she is way more experienced
with boys that I ever would be

give me a beam
and a back Arabian
over this
any day

he pulls up in my driveway
and tells me he can’t stay because
he’s driving back to school
he comes around to my side as I climb out
and takes my hand
and walks me to my front door

how can I want to run away screaming
and never want to leave
all at the same time

and though I let him hug me and say good-bye
before I even close the door
I know that I have to either stop this now
or tell him the truth

but I let him leave without doing either
once again