back at the hospital
Taylor takes her post at her mother’s bedside
and Ben and I walk down into
the massive lobby
where small clusters of couches and chairs
sit bathed in sunlight streaming in from the glass roof
he buys a coffee
which I have decided that he is addicted to
and sits next to me
our bodies turned to face each other

he looks so tired
not just outside, but inside as well

he says, “Thanks for talking to Taylor.”

I tell him I’m not sure it did any good
“It doesn’t really change anything,” I say

“I think it does,” he says

he takes my hand and rubs his thumb across the
back of it, staring at nothing in particular

then he tells me that they’ve been here before
that this time isn’t as bad as it could have been
that chemo and radiation are necessary
to try and keep the cancer from coming back
after the surgery
in case they didn’t get it all

“I hate this,” he says, rubbing his hand across his face

I want to ask him what would happen
to Taylor, and him, if she did die
but the question seems too morbid
too real
so I don’t ask and he doesn’t say
and we sit in the lobby
the sun warm on our faces