what was beautiful and magical
now seems loud and overdone
and I wander between the punch
and the tables
not sure where I want to be
my mind only on Ben
and his mother
I feel selfish for wanting
to stop the relationship
for wanting to just protect myself
to cause more problems
would be mean right now
and waiting it out
seeing what happens
is the only thing I can do

but my thoughts
are obvious
even to me
and the desire to be
with him
is so strong
that I think
perhaps
Ben
is a habit
that is not so
easily
ended