I sit in church
thinking of where Ben is right now
rather than the things
I am supposed to
I wonder if God is offended
that Ben has stretched my heart
in new ways

instead of a gift God has given me
I feel that perhaps Ben
is a reminder of my failures
because I know, deep down
that it will only last
as long as he doesn’t know

it was then that I lost my way

that night when my failure
met my punishment
and strapped themselves to my heart
in a way that won’t allow me
to go too far
or be stretched too much
before I must retreat
back into the shadows
where my secret
and my failure
stay hidden