Dad is waiting for me when I get home
back aching
thinking only about a shower
and why I do this to myself
every single day

he wants to talk
and offers to take me into town
for some
frozen yogurt

it’s still nice outside
but fall is in the air
and after my shower
I feel a little better
even though I know
exactly what he wants
to talk about

on the drive we talk about nothing
the weather
the new fence going up
school

and after we order our yogurt
and sit down he says,
“I wanted to talk with you about the baby.”

and instead of Gabby my mind goes to Angie
so I take a bite of yogurt and say,
“What about it?”

And he goes all Dr. Phil on me and asks,
“How do you feel about it?”

I shove my spoon back in my black cherry yogurt
and sit back making the plastic groan

“It doesn’t have anything to do with me.”

He frowns. “What is that supposed to mean?”

“It’ll be born and I will graduate and that will be it
because I probably won’t even be here next year
anyway.”

“It’s still going to be your little brother or sister.”

“Half,” I say.

“Yes, true, but still Lucy, you’re part of this family.”

I watch him watching me
he has lines around his eyes
and since my mom died
I’ve noticed more gray
above his ears
but he looks unsure of what
to say to me
and I don’t know what to say
to help him understand
how disconnected I feel
from everyone
and everything
and even though it might
be because I spend
most of my life at the gym
I know that it’s probably more than just that

I take another bite and say,
“It’ll be fun” to try and make things better.
“It’s just weird, you know?”

Dad looks sorry
“Yeah, I know.”