and what I actually say
are different

“Hey! Are you okay?” His words
come breathless. “I’ve been calling
you all week.”

Again, guilt.

“I’m fine. Just busy,” I say.

“Are you sure. You sound…”
he pauses, “different.”

I want to say that it’s just too hard.
It’s too hard trying to figure
out relationships and even
harder when I can’t see his face
or anything else
when he’s just a voice on the phone
most of the time

this is why I never had time for boys
it’s just too much work

he asks me about Homecoming
talking about plans to go home
after the dance
but that he needs to be back
at school to study for
some big test
and I listen
and murmur
to let him know I’m listening
but I am only half-listening
because all I can think about
is how the
water is
quickly rising
and soon
I won’t
be able
to
breathe