Ben has called three times tonight
but I have promised
to finish my English essay
before I talk to anyone
including him

the essay is not going so well
because I keep trying to figure out what I will say
when I do talk to him
and why I’ve been avoiding him all week
it’s not really the kind of thing you just admit to some
practically random guy
that just drops into your life
and messes with your head and makes
your heart feel all funny
and gets your coach mad at you

when it rings again
I suddenly feel bad for
making him call me over and over
and I think
maybe
that he just might deserve
someone better than me.