I call Beka’s private cell phone
a number I could probably
get money for now that she
is famous
and lives the kind of life
that normal people
only know of through magazines
and tabloids

“Hello?” She answers.
Her voice is like rain
on my dry heart.
and I begin to cry
before I begin to speak

she is so far away
in so many ways
that I almost forget
how much I miss her.

she waits as I gather myself
and then asks what’s going on
and I tell her
of Ben
of Arabians
of Homecoming
and the baby that will
be coming.

She listens and I know she is praying
as I talk because that’s just the way she is
as my flame has died, hers has grown stronger
her passion for God
the only thing that keeps her sane
in the insane world she lives in

“A college equestrian – I didn’t expect that,” she says.

“Me neither.”

“That’s the way God works sometimes,” she says.
“In unexpected ways. Like the baby. Like Ben.
He sounds nice.”

“But what do I do?” I ask.

“Ask Ben to come with you. Just swallow
your pride and tell him your dilemma.
He might surprise you.”

“You would really do that?” I ask.

“In a minute. What do you have to lose?”

“It’s so humiliating. I don’t even want to go.”

“You should go. You miss out on so much.
Go and enjoy this because it won’t happen again.
And Lucy? Don’t forget to ask God
about all these things on your heart.
Nothing is too small for God’s attention.”

we talk for a while longer and she makes me promise
to send her a picture of Ben
and to tell her what happens
when I talk to him

When I hang up,
I immediately call Ben
before I lose my nerve