Ben’s name pops up on my caller ID
at almost ten
“Thanks for dinner.” he says.
“Oh yeah, like I had anything to do with that.
You were ambushed.”
“That’s okay. It was fun. Your
little sister is cute.”
“I think the feeling was reciprocal.”
He laughs. “It was fun, and dinner
definitely beat a drive-thru.”
He pauses, then says,
“So it will […]

Dad is waiting for me
he closes his book when I come in
and points at a chair in the
living room.
Gabby flicks off the TV
but stays
“He seems like a nice boy,” Dad says.
“He’s nice enough,” I say.
“He’s older than you,” Dad points out.
“Just two years. It’s no different than dating
a senior when you’re a sophomore.” […]

“I don’t even really like horses,” I blurt out,
disturbing the quiet of the evening
even the horses lift up their heads to
stare at me as if they heard the words
and were offended.
“I mean. I thought you should know.
All this,” I wave my hand at the farm around us,
“Has nothing to do with me.”
Ben listens and […]

he still has an hour drive back
so he doesn’t stay long and
I have to bribe Anna with
a trip to the mall
to convince her to leave
him alone long enough
so that I can say good-bye
we sit on top of the split rail fence that
runs along the driveway
Balancing my body atop the
fence is much easier than
balancing my heart.
I’m […]

Anna is completely infatuated with Ben
She gazes at him like
he’s a movie star
and I know it has
more to do with the fact that he knows
everything about horses
than how cute he is
or his smile
or anything else about him
She tells me later that he
is the best boy she has ever met.
And I agree with her
Gabby asks questions […]

Gabby and Dad invite Ben inside
as if they had been expecting him all day,
and I use my introduction
as an explanation
Gabby insists he stay for dinner
and when Anna discovers
he rides she drags him
off to the barn to meet her horses
I tell Dad I’m sorry
He butters the garlic bread
and then looks across the counter at me
drawing his […]

Ben is heading back to school today
and wants to stop by the farm
to see me on the way.
The farm means that
I will need to tell
my dad and Gabby
and I’m not super eager to do this
I have less than three hours to make the confession
before he actually shows up
and even though I know
that I could meet […]

I go to church
obediently
rather than
passionately
and the thought crosses my mind
that this is
not a good thing
I am aware
of the lukewarm spitting thing*
that will happen if
we aren’t hot or cold
Maybe it would be easier
if I was cold, to figure out
what to do about
the spiritual girl that
perhaps is still inside of me
somewhere
but has gotten
lost
misplaced
or confused somehow
into thinking that
obedience […]

and then I chicken out
I manage to tell Mel that
I am NOT interested in TJ
in that way
and that she needs to stop worrying
about my
non-existent love life.
She tells me that I am not
allowed to skip Homecoming and asks,
what would be the harm in having
someone to go with?
For this, I do not have a good answer.
Other than […]

I am bored because the guys won the coin toss
and we are stuck watching Tom Cruise
almost get blown up over and over
Angie and I are in the corner of the couch
talking about nail polish of all things
Mel is flirting with Ryan
but he is completely clueless
Alex, Ferdi and TJ are trying to catch popcorn
in their mouths, […]